What kind of professional help should i seek?Please help,in terrible agony?

I am 29 years old.I was married very young and forced by my parents.I loved some other guy.But soon i was in a country far away from him and under a strict husband.We lost touch.I had just starting liking this new person (my husband), when i noticed that he is little strange.He has many diseases and to hit rock bottom, he would not bear me a child.Our relatioship is very platonic.He then forces me to use a donor sperm so that his parents whom he is very sccared of shouldnot know of it.I completely hated the idea of bearing a child whose roots are completely unknown to me.He kept telling that even though we wouldnot know of the donor we would atleast know that they would be doctors.co incidentialy, my father had to undergo a surgery at that time and i had to spent some time at the hospital.At this time, i was deeply attracted to a doctor.Then we became friends and sooner it evolved into a very pionate affair.He used to be very caring and sympathetic to me.Somewhere midway he discloses that he is married happily with a child.I couldnot withdraw from it at that point, since i was so fully dependent on him.But he promised me that he will help me in concieving a child.As time went by (We are in different countries and met only 5 times in 2 years) he lost interest in me (or seemingly) and he stopped calling me and avoiding me.I got so angry at him for that and shooed him away.At this point, i feel i have lost it.I know this relationship is absolutely disastrous for both of us.But knowing this, quite illogical and out of reasoning i yearn for this calls.I think,at this point, i have lost it and i feel i need professional help.But what kind of professional help will make me feel better.Is there a professional way of getting over him, because i feel i am going to die without the doc in my life.All my friends thought he was only exploiting my vulnerability and myself feel he was not genuine.But i am in constant denial of this fact and even though i decide thousand times, not to contact him, just now i contacted him again.I feel pathetic and miserable.Things seems to be out of my control.Should i take some medication? or go for counselling?What kind of counselling?Clinical or psychological?I think i have some sort of personality disorder.Please help....